So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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