What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
