I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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