Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
