if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
