see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
3pm strippers are depressing
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
