I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
