So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
