so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
