So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize