Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
