I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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