This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
