she looked like the before picture.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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