Nicole vs. Life
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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