About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize