This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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