i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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