look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
