I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
