got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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