Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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