At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
