Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
