You're completely useless in the revolution.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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