Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize