ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I want to make a zoo with you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
