This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize