so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
