we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
