The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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