are you still at the devil's house?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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