I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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