Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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