i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im holly from the hills drunk
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
