i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
