There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
