I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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