I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
