How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
