On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
