Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
