We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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