hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
