my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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