i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
