My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
