The maid of honor just puked.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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