Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
