did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
