Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
