just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize