I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
