WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
