i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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