You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
