I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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