I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
