I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
