Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
