I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
