wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
