yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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