Got a toothbrush?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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