Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize