Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
