How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
