My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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