i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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