Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
