I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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