i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
