so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
