i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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