bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
