I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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