so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
