Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
