please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
