I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
