Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
