I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
