Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
