I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
