just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
