He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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