I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
