Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
