You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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