Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
