I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
