Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
