Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
