i think my tv is drunk
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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