I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
